zindagi ek saza

 

When will I be enough?

Why would I smile,

You took away everything from me.

My happiness my trust

On the brink of insanity here I stand

Waiting for you to bring me back.

Tell me I am enough.

Because deep down you deserve better

And my head would look much better served on a platter than on my body.

I know you read nothing that I write.

I want you more than anything else I want you.

I love you.

But I will never be enough or anything for you. I hope when I sleep today hoping I never wake up.

I woke up again, again cursing my luck for being alive another day.

While I waste my life away

Everything I will ever do; I have ever done.

Amounts to nothing because I lost that one fucking chance.

I deserve all of this; I am not a son to be proud of

I have made a million mistakes.

She wanted to eat choco lava cakes at 11 in the night in Nahan.

I still managed to get two for her.

She missed home.

I brought her home to her.

She was hungry at 3 in the morning.

I brought her bananas.

Stayed up hungry all day then.

Because I am out of money

Paying my debts (25,873)

My efforts, neither my talents, nor my skills matter

I am a failure.

I will remain one.

Because I lost her

The one thing I genuinely wanted in this world.

I lost.

I am a loser.

A nobody.

I am worthless.

I cannot even stop crying.

I am alive because I want my parents to be at least proud of me once.

I am just paying for my sins.

Some day I will run out of roads to run on

That day I will lose.

None of it is her fault,

It is all mine.

I will never be good enough.

I will never be hers

I fulfilled every fucking promise she wanted.

I stopped bhenchod Maal it was so fucking hard.

Why am I trying?

A loser will remain a loser.