Silence

I would rather silence my mouth forever

and listen to your stories about him,

than to admit this feeling of mine.

If a word from me would make

us strangers again, 

then I'd rather lose my way of speaking. 

So that 

l don't have to worry about moving

my lips in silence.

Ritvik 

zindagi ek saza

 

When will I be enough?

Why would I smile,

You took away everything from me.

My happiness my trust

On the brink of insanity here I stand

Waiting for you to bring me back.

Tell me I am enough.

Because deep down you deserve better

And my head would look much better served on a platter than on my body.

I know you read nothing that I write.

I want you more than anything else I want you.

I love you.

But I will never be enough or anything for you. I hope when I sleep today hoping I never wake up.

I woke up again, again cursing my luck for being alive another day.

While I waste my life away

Everything I will ever do; I have ever done.

Amounts to nothing because I lost that one fucking chance.

I deserve all of this; I am not a son to be proud of

I have made a million mistakes.

She wanted to eat choco lava cakes at 11 in the night in Nahan.

I still managed to get two for her.

She missed home.

I brought her home to her.

She was hungry at 3 in the morning.

I brought her bananas.

Stayed up hungry all day then.

Because I am out of money

Paying my debts (25,873)

My efforts, neither my talents, nor my skills matter

I am a failure.

I will remain one.

Because I lost her

The one thing I genuinely wanted in this world.

I lost.

I am a loser.

A nobody.

I am worthless.

I cannot even stop crying.

I am alive because I want my parents to be at least proud of me once.

I am just paying for my sins.

Some day I will run out of roads to run on

That day I will lose.

None of it is her fault,

It is all mine.

I will never be good enough.

I will never be hers

I fulfilled every fucking promise she wanted.

I stopped bhenchod Maal it was so fucking hard.

Why am I trying?

A loser will remain a loser.

ek aur bakchodi

 No matter what you do or what I do, some part of me will always be stuck on you..

You were almost mine, and that "almost" fucking breaks my heart constantly, maybe that's all we will ever be, an incomplete sentence, a half written story, finished without an ending, but I can't move on..

There is not a single day that goes past where Idon't think about you, about us, about what weused to be..

You brought the happiness out in me, a side I had never seen so much of before.. You made me the happiest person in the whole planet, just being in your presence..

I'm struggling because every time I see your name, your texts, or even thinking about you..my heart drops and I wanna cry..

With each night that goes by, I go to sleep hoping

it'll all get easier tomorrow and it never does..

I think i'm struggling because it's really hard to move on when deep down I don't want to.

happy new year chutiyon

Sab kuch meri galti kese ho jaati hai

Sab ki life sahi ho jaegi agr Mai marr jauu 

23 saal Mai na mere father ya mother ne bola hai ki we're proud of you ritvik

Baap ne toh charsi aur ganjedi bol kr fuck off bol Diya

Saala meri life 5 min experience nhi hui 

And mujhe gaandu bolte Hain sb

Hey bhagwan maarr de mujhe bsdk 

Maa chudaye ye duniya, maa chudaye Mera khandaan, maa chudaye meri kismat

Sarvagya is not everything 

I have my own problems

But bhenchod kissi ko sunao toh gyaan aalg pelte Hain sb

Marr de mujhe bhagwaan agr koi bhi sharam hai tujhme 

Warna Zinda mar mar ke thak gya hu mai